...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
