if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Let's get the cat blown out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
