The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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