fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
