I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
