i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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