I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how can u be prego again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
