In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
