My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
