he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
