Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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