theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize