i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
