I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
