Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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