So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
