im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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