Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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