peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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