So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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