I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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