better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
