It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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