community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
