Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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