Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
