I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
where does the pee come out of this thing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize