this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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