The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
