dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
