her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
