Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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