Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
