So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need water and some morals
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
