I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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