I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
