he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
