So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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