OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
