Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
