Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
