Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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