it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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