dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
