I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
