i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
