Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
