Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Shame is for Republicans.
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