I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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