Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
