he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
