You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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