just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
