So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
