so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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