So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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