Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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