Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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