i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
