dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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