you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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