its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
