i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
