Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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