Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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