I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
