I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
