Where did you get a picture of my penis
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
