The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
