Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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